Meandering Thoughts

This last week has been a blur. Having a Track and Field day at our church for all the homeschoolers in the area last Friday, having company both Saturday and Sunday, starting Vacation Bible School on Monday and I'm supposed to be the superintendent. Lately I've felt the load heavier and it has cost me some of my peace, trying to be all things to all people.

A few postings ago I alluded to a area of shortcoming in my life. That area is the pride of my heart. I do almost everything to be seen of and well thought of by men. It has gotten to the point that I spend more time considering how to say something in a interesting or clever way, without even asking God if He wants me to say it in the first place. I finally came to a brokenness about three weeks ago one Friday night. I realize that I have nothing worth giving in and of myself. I am worthless without Gods direct intervention. I had to ask for forgiveness from my church, for while I did not come across arrogantly all the time, I know it was in my heart and I thought "Listen up! You need to hear this!" I realize this was sin. God calls it such over and over in Scripture. It's so bad He says He will "resist the proud." No wonder I have felt like I was fighting God for the last few months!

I confessed it to the Lord and ask Him what he would have me do. I felt Him telling me to remove the area I was most tempted in, leading out at church. I confessed it to the Brotherhood and asked for their forgiveness which the graciously gave. I felt I had emptied myself of all that I held of worth, but I had my peace back. God was so real when He said, "Let the peace of God rule in your heart." When we lose that peace, we had better go back to where we lost it and confess the sin, or we will never have the peace again.

Now, I find that I have again sought to do it all on my own and again come up woefully short, even with my children. I try and try to teach them what is right, only to have them turn around and disobey again. Maybe we aren't so different, just that we are different ages and I am being disciplined by someone I can't see but loves me more than I love my children.

Remember that warm, fuzzy feeling you got right after a spanking? That's what I'm waiting for right now.

Comments

Truthseeker said…
May God be with you Brother. I can certainly identify with your confession. I too have to fight the desire to speak my so called "wisdom" to others, it is nothing but pride. I want to speak up for my faith, but now I have to check myself as to "why" before I speak or write.

May God come to our aid.
6/09/2005 1:31 AM
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