The Murderous Blanket

I have a creep in bed with me!! Before you think I am calling my wife names, I will explain.

When we got married, some well-meaning individual, knowing that we would have snow for at least six months out of the year, got us a king size, vellux blanket. This thing is the creepiest thing I have ever seen! It has hundreds of thousands of little feet that never stay still but spend the whole night walking across the bed. I am convinced that if we died and have lain perfectly still all night, the blanket would still be on the floor at one side by morning!!

It gets worse! When you flip the blanket over, it, like a lot of ladies I know and love dearly, changes it’s mind! It then decides that it likes the other side of the bed and proceeds to carry all the blankets above it off the other side of the bed till morning! Finally I thought I had figured it out. I would turn it so that it would walk towards the head of the bed so that all the covers would stay tucked up around our chins. Now wasn’t that using my noggin? The crazy thing tried to suffocate us by piling up around our heads! Seriously, it was all scrunched up the way women do with their socks around their ankles.

So I have taken to sleeping with one eye open lest the little creep gets any more malicious ideas in its little head, err... feet,… or wherever it gets it devious nature.

Funny thing, my wife hasn’t complained?! Maybe it has to do with the fact that right now the little feet are walking her way and so she never wakes up at three in the morning to a 60 degree room and just a thin sheet for comfort. Hmmm… I shall have to keep an eye on her too.

Comments

Anonymous said…
been there, done that! we had to go with two sleeping bags zipped together :)
janice
12/22/2005 5:35 AM
Joe said…
Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do (Sung to the tune of the Twilight Zone theme).

Any blanket that goes by the name "vellux" would be like that.
12/22/2005 1:30 PM
Anonymous said…
I know the feeling about the blanket, but I've learned to keep my eyes on my wife. Strangely my blanket just doesn't seem to have all those feet before she crawls into bed.
12/23/2005 9:09 PM
ry said…
funny!
this is the funniest thing i have read in a long time!
i'm sitting here laughing my poor little head off!

good luck to you.....
12/26/2005 10:54 PM
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