Trusting in God's Faithfulness

It was Valentine’s Day, 2001, that I sat across from my wife, Aimee and thought about how life had changed so much in the last year, and how it was about to change again.  Less than four months before, we had been married and while life as newlyweds was wonderful, there was a tinge of apprehension as she battled some of the residual effects of having had ovarian cancer just a year prior.  Exhaustion and fatigue were the rule of the day, and we wondered if there was something wrong besides the fact that we were excited to be expecting our first child.  Our doctor had requested that we have an ultrasound to see if her remaining ovary was okay, or if there was a problem that could be indicating that the cancer had returned.  There was also that worrisome tiny lump on her neck that they couldn’t figure out what it was.  So just that morning, we had gone in for the ultrasound and were able to see our child for the first time, and also have a biopsy done on the lump to try and determine what it was.

As I sat there in the restaurant on our first Valentine together, I thanked God for all He had done to bring us to this place, but I also worried about the bills that were coming.  I knew that just from the procedures that were done today, I would be facing about $1000 of bills that I did not have the money with which to pay.  We did not have insurance as it was not required back then, and with the anticipation of the coming birth of our son, I could not see how I was going to make ends meet on my small salesman’s wages.

“Sweetheart?”  She turned from watching the small aquarium beside our table.

“How would you feel about us signing up for medical assistance to help cover these bills that are coming?  I’m struggling to know what to do because I know that God can provide for our needs, but what part do we play in trying to make ends meet with the resources that are available to us?  And now, as we are just getting started in life, these medical bills are bigger than anything I have ever faced!  Is it wise stewardship to spend almost a third of our year’s income on medical bills when this is exactly what MA is designed for?”

Aimee’s eyes winced a bit.  She wished she didn’t have to be such a financial burden but felt helpless to change anything as long as God continued to allow her to face these health struggles.  After fiddling with her food for a minute, she asked “What do you think God wants us to do?”

“That’s just the problem, I don’t know. I have this struggle inside between that practical side of me that is grounded in reality, and the hopeful side of me that God will work it all out.  It just seems to make the most practical sense to accept the help that our society has extended so that we don’t need to worry about these things so much.  Are you okay with that?”

“Honey, I am fine with that if that is what you feel God is leading you to do.”

So after thinking more about it over the weekend, and praying some as well, I sent in our application for medical assistance.  Then Friday, while I was working with my father in his wood shop, he brought the subject up.

“Japheth, I heard from Aimee that you have signed up for medical assistance.  Is that true?”

“Yes, it is Daddy”, and I explained briefly how I came to that decision.

“Son, I am not going to say that what you did is wrong, but I did have higher hopes for my children.  When I was growing up, I never really saw examples of God’s provision other than the normal blessings of a job and a safe place to live.  But Mother and I wanted to give you children a foundation of trusting God first, and seeing first-hand how faithful He is in meeting our needs.  That is why we never sent out fundraising letters when we were on the mission field, because we knew that God already knew what we needed and He could lay that burden on the hearts of those we knew and corresponded with.  Do you remember when things were getting so tight that all we had for supper was pea soup and bread?”

“Yes, I remember well.”

“Mother and I didn’t want you children to worry, but we also wanted you to be aware of the need, so that when God DID provide, it would strengthen your faith as well.  So we gathered you children around and told a little bit of our dilemma to you and asked you to pray with us, do you remember?”

I did remember!  I thought back to that day when my mother went to pick up our mail from the truck that came once a week and seeing one lonely letter there.  She brought it back to the house and opened it in the kitchen as us children clustered around, waiting to see what was inside.  When she pulled out that check for $25, she started to cry and us children started to jump and shout with excitement.  I had pleaded for permission to go tell Daddy and she said I could, so I charged across the campus hollering to my father “God answered prayer, Daddy!!  God answered our prayer!”

“And so son,” my father continued, “It was through those times over the years, that I had hoped to lay a foundation of faith for you children that we never had, and that you could go beyond and build higher on it.”

My heart was heavy as I walked back to my little house for lunch.  Had I ignored God’s voice?  Was I wasting the precious treasure of faith that my parents had so prayerfully laid down?  When I arrived home, I sat down with Aimee and told her of my father’s concerns.

“Sweetheart, if this decision was entirely up to you, would you have the insurance?”

“No Honey, I wouldn’t” she replied quickly.

I was shocked!  I thought we were agreed on this, but now realized I had made a classic, new-husband mistake.  I had listened to her words, but hadn’t heard her heart.

“Why not?” I asked with earnestness.

“Because I have watched so many people who say that they trust God, but then spend so much time and money trying to protect their things from being taken.  They would say that God could protect them, but they don’t trust Him to do so.  I don’t want us to get to that place either.”

My heart smote me!  Here I was, the one who had been given so many examples of God’s faithfulness, and yet was so easily persuaded to turn away and build on man’s promises.  And yet my wife, who had not had all those examples, had greater faith in God’s provision than I did.  I bowed my head and wept.  Together we knelt beside the sofa and I confessed my unbelief to God and asked for His protection and provision as we trusted Him to lead us forward.

I immediately called the state agency and asked them to cancel our policy, which they had not even processed yet.  As I walked back out the door, there was a freedom to my step, though rationally that didn’t make sense.  When I had come back for lunch, my bills were going to be paid for me, but I was heavy of heart.  Now I was responsible for bills I didn’t have money to pay, but a renewed faith in a God who could, and that gave me a peace that made even the sun shine brighter than before.

The following Monday, I came home from work feeling miserable with the onset of a head cold.  My wife met me at the door with eyes glowing brighter than I had seen them for a while.  She quickly ushered me to the sofa and standing in front of me with her hands mischievously behind her back, said ‘I have a surprise for you’ and handed me a $100 bill!

“What’s this?!”

“Someone met your folks in town today and said that they wanted to help out with our medical expenses”

“Do you know who it was?”

“No, they wanted to remain anonymous.”

Now we had not told anyone how big the bills were, or anyone other than my folks that we were concerned with how to pay for them.  I looked at that money in my hand and the thought hit me like a bolt from God.  He asks us to give Him the first ten percent of our income, trusting Him to provide the rest for us.  And now here He was providing the same amount for us before we had even received the bill, as a promise that He would provide the rest as well.  I started to cry.  I had failed in my faith so recently, and yet God had lovingly provided this affirmation for my decision to trust Him more fully.

“Sweetheart, let’s kneel and thank God for this gift and promise!”

“Of course Honey, but here’s another, and another, and another…” and she counted out a total of $1000 into my hand! 

The bills were now paid, before they had even arrived!  We knelt and worshiped with full hearts!

Can you guess what that did to my faith?  If I would have kept with the prior plan, I would have been grateful for man’s provision and my faith in God would likely not have grown at all.  But by choosing to trust Him, I have both strengthened MY faith, and was given the ability to glorify God’s name and build the faith in others as well!

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9a

I’d like to share here that this is not meant to be an attack against insurance, or that I condemn those who have it as having a lack of faith.  My goal is simply that you might hear about the faithfulness of God in our lives, and be encouraged to trust Him more fully in yours, whatever aspect of life that may be.

Prologue: Five month later, our son was born premature but healthy.  Two months after that, on September 12^th, 2001 I sat in the waiting of the hospital surgery and watched the world change because of what had happened in New York and Washington the day before.  And then my world shook as the surgeon came out and informed me that my wife had cancer again, this time Thyroid, and that he would be sending us to an oncologist for further testing and care.  Our life has not been easy.  There have been some very lean times as well for us and yet through them, we seek to pass on to our children the testimony of God’s faithfulness so that they may build upon His foundation in their own lives.  Glory to His name!